The Affair

Meditated in the middle of the night....tried to move into the flow, but my efforts prevented me.... when the flow is this subtle it seems the number one thing is surrender.

Dreamed that I was in the basement.  The kids were sleeping, it was night.   J was a wake, and started to tell me something, then stopped.  In the dining room I told her she had to tell me.  I said are you having an affair, she said yes.  I stayed calm.  Have you had sex?  She said yes.  I got upset.  The heat rose in me, and I started yelling.  And stomping in the night.  When I went back downstairs Jaina had taken the girls.

It was early morning light now and I went upstairs.  J and the girls were sleeping in my parents room.

I was able to pull J aside.  I asked her if it was more than once.  She said yes.  I asked her who it was.  She said Nguyen,  I thought she said Jim,  Grupper.  She said he looked just like me.  She told me he had the title of Dr. but wasn't a real Dr.   She told me that every week when I thought she was teaching, she would rent a canoe and they would make love in a lake.

I was crushed.

Trying to figure out what to do, because I love my kids so much and didn't want to be away from them.

I heard her on the phone with her mom, she was taking the kids over there.

I desperately scanned through my mind trying to think about how I could get even.



Earlier, I had been on the back of a motorcycle Jaina was driving.  Kaya was there and as WE drove away I gave him the peace sign.  We were driving through something cross between housing projects and a State fair ground.  The Air was granular and thick.

Then I was in an italian restaurant with many friends.  An Italian celebrity and his body guards, who we knew came in.  We nodded to each other.  Matt Los Rachel's husband was telling a story about having seen a film star, loudly by the bar, and was so engulfed in the story that he didn't notice the celebrities in the restaurant until they were on their way out.